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What Social Network Would Jesus Use?
Posted By Anonymous on/at 9:06 AM
Written by AJ Teaters
With the recent wave of social networking sites and blogs popping up quicker than rednecks lining up for a Jeff Foxworthy comedy show, I thought it might be a good idea to think about how Jesus would perceive all this “innovation”. I think the important question to ask is WSNWJU, or What Social Network Would Jesus Use? Let’s look at the options: Facebook, Twitter and MySpace.
Facebook
Status Update:
· Jesus (The Christ) of Nazareth is totally stoked that He just walked on water
Comments:
· Peter: NO WAY?! I don’t believe it!
· Mark: That’s awesome, I bet you kicked that waters ass!
· Luke: Based on your size and weight and the laws of water displacement… That’s a miracle!
· John: Ye of little faith… Come on guys, He is the Son of God!!!
Status Update:
· Jesus (The Christ) of Nazareth is feeling betrayed
Comments:
· Peter: It wasn’t me!
· Andrew: Peter, it’s NEVER you.
· James: What’s up J? You sound concerned
· John: is this called foreshadowing or prophesying?
· Philip: You guys are always jumping to conclusions; maybe He just had a bad day.
· Bartholomew: I don’t think Jesus has bad days Philip… wait… do You, Jesus?
· Thomas: I doubt someone betrayed him. I want some proof!
· Matthew: Has anyone actually talked to Him about this, or are we all just gonna post comments and hopefully hear back?
· James the Less: Is now a bad time to ask for a better/cooler nickname than “the Less”?
· Thaddaeus: Yeah James the Less it is a bad time… But I’ll indulge you anyway. How about this one, James the Douche Bag?! Jesus is trying to tell us something.
· Simon: Has anyone seen Judas lately?
So maybe these wouldn’t be the exact conversation threads that would be happening if Jesus used Facebook, but we all know that He would have joined 2 groups (Jews and Gentiles), and been a fan of only one page (Abba is my Homeboy). I can't help get this picture in my head of the apostles playing Farkle to decide between Barsabbas or Matthias.
If Jesus were alive today and using Facebook He would have between 1.5- 2.1 billion friends! Eat your heart out Ashton. But are we so naïve to believe that Jesus would limit himself to only one social networking site?
Twitter
Tweets:
· TheTrueJC: What are the odds of someone already using “JesusChrist” as their twitter name?
· TheTrueJC: @SimonPeter Cast your nets, I will make you fishers of men.
· TheTrueJC: Getting ready to talk about the @prodigaljohn - er, Prodigal Son.
· TheTrueJC: I really hate it when people are selling idol nick-knacks in the temple. Someone should do something about it.
· TheTrueJC: I did something about it ;)
· TheTrueJC: What’s the deal with the sandals… I would kill for a pair of Nike high tops.
· TheTrueJC: Parable of the Prodigal Son http://tinyurl.com/yzsnwp5
· TheTrueJC: @12Apostles Break bread in remembrance of me. My body is given for you.
· TheTrueJC: @JudaofIscariot You better be buying something nice with those silver pieces!
· TheTrueJC: @SimonPeter 1…2…3…you just denied me 3 times… I hate to say I told you so, but I TOLD YOU SO!!!
· TheTrueJC: @PontiusPilate Barabbas … REALLY?!
· TheTrueJC: I always knew a cross would be heavy, but this is crazy ridiculous!
· TheTrueJC: @AlphaOmega It is finished.
· TheTrueJC: @Satan666 I’m back! #3dayslater
· TheTrueJC: Yeah, well I think @JesusNeedsNewPR needs new PR! ;)
All I have to say is that if Jesus was on Twitter I would follow Him. I can only make an educated guess at the only person He would follow, but I think it would probably be AlphaOmega(GOD).
MySpace
I’m gonna have to be completely honest with you guys/gals… I have a MySpace but I never use it. I haven’t been on it for probably over a year so anything that I try and recreate on this post is probably going to be completely fake and superficial and that’s not what I’m about.
The angle that I take Jesus using MySpace is for evangelism. Everyone knows that MySpace ain’t nothing but a big Booty Call website disguised at Social Networking. It’s where all the Judas’ and Jezebels hang out. It is a virtual “pool hall on the wrong side of the tracks”, but Jesus WOULD use it to further The Kingdom of God.
I just can’t help picturing Mary Magdalene messaging Jesus:
Hey cutie pie,
You don’t know me but I was hopping around from friend to friend and I came across your profile picture. Damn boy, you are sexy! I don’t think I should tell you this but facial hair really turns me on. There is just something different about you, you seem to be a man that has everything together and you’re so confident. We haven’t ever met but I can just tell what a powerful man you are. I would love to get to know you better, maybe on a deeper level? Hit me up some time.
<3 MM
Reply from Jesus to Mary Magdalene:
Beautiful child,
Funny thing is I do know you. You have been down a rough road and have made some bad decisions but I want to help you get your life straight. I think we should meet and I think I can get you to that deeper level. We should meet up in Galilee, I think there are a few things (7) that you need to get off your chest. Thanks for the compliments, you made me blush, but the important thing is getting your life back on track. Let’s draw a line in the sand.
Eternally,
JC
Would Jesus use Social Networking? What do you think? Would you update differently knowing that Jesus was using social networking?
