What the God

Written by Jesse Medina

At some point, someone had the courage and wherewithal to ask the most important question that anyone has ever asked:

“Did Adam and Eve Have Belly Buttons?”

Or were their ripped six-pack bellies just smooth?

Some people think they had to have been smooth. After all, it seems weird that they would have belly buttons having not been cooked in the womb. But imagine the shock when their kids come out with that weird yellow-y cord coming out of their belly and then, once that dries up and falls off, a little mound/crater of flesh. Would that have given Adam and Eve some sort of inferiority complex?

Button envy?

Could be. But I don’t think smooth is God’s style. Nope, I think God’s style is more creative than that. But I also don’t think it would be God’s style to trick Adam and Eve with belly buttons.

Which is why he gave them placeholders.

Now, there’s nothing Biblical to suggest that this is the case, but I really think there is an obvious placeholder that God would have used. I know only because there is an inherently Christian placeholder, one that says, “God is my homey” like no other placeholder.

A satin ribbon.

Satin ribbons are to the Christian world what teardrop tattoos are to the prison world. I’m not entirely sure what that means, I just know it means you are pretty hardcore. You know, like you have what it takes to carry out a spiritual shanking.

That’s why where we all have belly buttons, Adam and Eve simply had a ribbon. A red, satin, 8-9 inch ribbon that hung right from their bellies. Why, because Adam and Eve were OT...er... OG! Nothing says, "hardcore gangsta" like a 8-9 inch ribbon sticking out of your abs.

So what prompted the stoppage of the ribbon place holder? Did it really matter that Adam and Eve's children were born and not made? Wouldn't it have been just as simple for God to make a red satin ribbon replace our umbilical chords rather than a hole/mound?

Maybe it's too much to keep tucked in? Maybe God knew that men would get enough anatomy caught in their zippers? Maybe in a fallen world people would be born with different color satin ribbons and thus be subject to ridicule and prejudice? Whatever the reason we are set apart from Adam and Eve when it comes to the centers of our abs.

What do you think? Would God actually have given them belly buttons? Suppose we're right about the satin ribbon...which would you rather have and why?

Question courtesy of Toni Door-Buck