What the God

If you want to start a new religion or system of beliefs or even change the world, there are a few things you’ll need:

1. A man.  If you are a man, problem solved.  If you are not a man, get one.
2. A woman.  If you are a woman, problem solved.  If not, get one.
3. People who follow you.  Preferably because of what it is you’re leading them towards and not just because they're stalkerish.
4. Pithy sayings.  Anything that can fit on a bumper sticker is preferable...makes it easier for memorizing.
5. Books, articles, etc. that will preserve what you think in written form so that people cannot take your words out of context and make you look like a fool.
6. Crowd appeal.  Good looks, healing abilities, or decent magic tricks will work.

Jesus had these things.  Well, all except number five.  Some think number two is iffy and to that I answer: Mary.  Peter, too, but he was a woman for different reasons (i.e. very emotional, was once called “Satan,” etc.).  But number five is for sure – Jesus, despite the fact that he never wrote a single thing down (except in dirt), completely changed the world.

Aside from that being completely awesome, it is also very unusual.  People just don’t do that.  So it begs the question of why Jesus chose that route.

Jesus Didn’t Know How to Spell

This is where everyone says, “Psht!  He was fully God.  God knows everything!”  But they forget that he was fully man, too.  Not that this makes much of a difference since he didn’t switch between these two realities at different times, but we think it a viable argument nonetheless if only because his Godness didn’t prevent him from sleeping or eating or growing a beard.  So maybe he just didn’t know how to spell.  But we do know he could read because he read out of the scroll.  We don’t know how he could do one without the other so we’re just going to leave that open-ended as one of the great mysteries of God right up there with whether God likes tacos.

Jesus Healed Paper Back Into Trees

Though we have no Biblical evidence of it, we think Jesus may not have written anything down because every time he touched a piece of paper he healed it and it became a tree.  As a kid, this was probably a cool trick that he used to freak out his teachers, but we suspect that in his adult years it was a source of great frustration.  Can you imagine trying to play that little football game when every time you touch the football it turns into a tree?  Actually, that sounds pretty awesome!  Jesus probably wasn’t frustrated at all.  He probably loved it.  We think this is where he got his, “…take the log out of your own eye,” teaching.

Jesus Was Left-Handed

I know what you’re thinking: there’s no way that someone as awesome as Jesus could have been left-handed.  Left-handed people are never awesome.  I know, I know - which is why when it comes to Jesus, we need to leave it open for consideration – he defied the laws of nature.  Nevertheless, even if Jesus were left handed and defied that law, writing with one’s left hand in Ancient Israel was very dishonoring.  Many a left-handed Jewish boy were subject to stonings back in the day.  So for Jesus to have written anything down may have gotten him killed.  Those last three sentences are complete and utter lies, but you never know.

Okay, so maybe it was none of those things.  Maybe it was something ridiculous like God wanting to partner with humanity and him trusting us enough to carry his message to others or that the best communicator of the Gospel is not the written word, but the change we are able to witness in the lives of each other.

Maybe, but we kind of doubt it.

What do you think?  Are there other reasons Jesus may not have written anything down?  If you were Jesus, what would your reason be for not writing anything down?


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