What the God

Written by AJ Teaters

I recently sat down for a very interesting interview. I had never thought that I would get the opportunity and pleasure of having such an open and frank discussion with such an interesting character. It was a first for both of us. I had never interviewed anyone before and he had never been interviewed. It was unusual to say the least.

WTG: “How are you?”

FS: “I’m Jack’s circumcised foreskin, how do you think I am?!”

WTG: “Sorry, but that sounds a little cliché don’t you think?”

FS: “How do you mean?”

WTG: “Have you ever seen Fight Club? [FS shakes head] ‘I am Jack’s colon’ ‘I am Jack’s raging bile duct’ Does any of that ring a bell?”

FS: “I can’t say that it does plus it wasn’t my choice to name the kid Jack; that was his parents. AND, I wouldn’t know anything about Fight Club; I have only been around since two days ago.”

WTG: “My fault, thanks for the reminder of your age. Can we cut to the chase?”

FS: “Funny guy, huh? No pun intended but I’m kinda touchy about the whole cutting thing.”

WTG: “Now that the nervous remarkes and mistakes are out of the way, can I ask you a few questions?”

FS: “Sure, shoot.”

WTG: “Do you feel like a misunderstood body part?”

FS: “Misunderstood is an understatement, I feel like people DON’T understand me at all!”

WTG: “What do you mean?”

FS: “Did you know that the amount of foreskin they cut off during a ‘normal circumcision’ can be stretched out to the size of a playing card? You could literally pick me up and stretch me out to the size of THE ACE OF SPADES.”

WTG: “That’s pretty amazing, not that I would try it. Do you have any other interesting facts to share with us or are we going to cut this interview short?"

FS: "Cut this interview 'short' [laughs] you really can't help yourself can you?"

WTG: "Sorry, but that one was just too easy. Really though, do you have anything else you would like to say on behalf of circumcised foreskins out there?"

FS: "Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. I am going to speak to 65% of males out there in the U.S. (that's 13 out of every 20) you have been cut and you have been cut deep. Did you know that the foreskin contains anywhere from 10,000 to 20,000 extra sensitive nerve endings, just think about how much more tantalizing sex would be if you still had just half of those puppies left intact."

WTG: "I'm missing 10-20,000 extra sensitive nerve ending from my PENIS?!"

FS: "You better believe my it cut compadre! I just don't understand why anyone in their right mind would want to chop such a magical piece of skin off their body. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to make myself out to be some mythical unicorn and I'm not being cocky, no pun intended, I just want the world to know how special foreskin really is."

WTG: "So, I guess my question is what should you be compared to?"

FS: "Nothing. Don't compare me to anything. Just understand my purpose, but that's where I get confused. So many people remove foreskin from their bodies because their religion tells them to. Why do bad things happen to good body parts?"

WTG: "What do you mean bad things? You're free, like that Genie from Aladdin. You should live it up: travel, see the world, go on a cruise..."

FS: "The thought had crossed my mind, but I don't think I was meant to be out in the open for very long. I'm afraid I may get a sun burn, and let me tell you there isn't anything worse than an irritated foreskin. I just don't feel like I'm doing what I was intended to do with my life."

WTG: "I can understand that, but why do you feel like God hates you?"

FS: "Hate is a strong word, I just don't understand why God would want me eliminated from your life if He made me a part of you from the beginning? I'm not obsolete, I have a purpose, why cut me out of your life? Pun intended."

WTG: "Good one, I think you may be on to something. I really can't think of a good reason to justify cutting off foreskin presently. I know that it was a sign of the covenant God made with Abraham, but that was 3000 years ago and they didn't have the same hygienic conditions or practices that we have today. I couldn't imagine anything being worse than wandering around for 40 years in the desert with sand in your penis. I can barely function when I get something in my shoe let alone my penis!"

FS: "I would just like to think that we can put this archaic methodology behind us... if for nothing else, think of the sex! Sex with 10-20,000 more nerves endings; the thought is tantalizing"

WTG: "I will give you that. Thinking about foreskin in a biblical sense (I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth), as a sign of a covenant with God, it strikes me odd that when God's new covenant was established this custom stuck around."

FS: "What do you mean?"

WTG: "God established a new covenant with Jesus. Check out Jeremiah 31:31-32, Luke 22:20 Hebrews 8:13 and Hebrews 9:15. All of these passages refer to the breaking of the old covenant to make a new one."

FS: "So why are people still lopping off foreskins left and right?"

WTG: "Personally, I think that it has become a tradition in a lot of cultures to circumcise their boys. You said earlier that, '65% of males in the U.S. are cut,' that's a high percentage of circumcision in a predominately Christian country. I believe that through the new covenant Jesus established the rules of the old covenant have been abolished. Circumcision must now be looked at as a choice and not a requirement. Romans 2:28-29."

Is Circumcision out dated? If you have a son, will you circumcise him out of tradition?