What's the deal with tongues? In this article, Jesse Medina recounts his experience in an Assemblies of God church with a high value on speaking in tongues. But what about the weirdness? Can we throw tongues out altogether? Read and Interact
Why is Jesus the Only Way?
Posted By Anonymous on/at 10:15 AM
Written by Jesse Medina
I've been thinking lately. I know, surprising, but it happens. Usually after eating tacos. And I've come up with a joke. Ready? Here goes:
If Jesus came around today, he would be crucified. Ba-dum-cha! Funny right?
Exclusive claims are always that way: we do not like to be told that we are wrong and when we do get told that, we react…often violently.
Jesus did that. He pissed a lot of people off. Particularly religious people. It’s not that he was trying to make people mad just for the sake of making them mad, but when the truth stands in opposition to what we’re doing, it is sort of inevitable.
But my question is: why is Jesus the only way?
It kind of seems like God is just being a bully, you know? Like he actually could have made it so that he wasn’t the only way and just chose not to, just so that he could make people angry and then send them to hell for not going through him. It’s like one big cosmic dick move.
Couldn’t God have done it differently if he had wanted to? Wouldn’t it have been awesomer (it’s a word, trust me…don’t try to look it up, it’s too awesome to be in the dictionary) if God had made the only way something cool and/or fun? Like the following options:
Partying is the Only Way
That’s a religion that would be hard to ignore. Get a good buzz going, go streaking, and eat an alarm clock and surely you will be with me throughout all eternity. Not only would pretty much everyone get in on that, it would still piss off the religious people. Two birds, one stone.
Punching Someone Out is the Only Way
If someone starts a religion wherein you get to heaven by punching someone out and that it gets better the more people you punch out, I’m in. Not only would this create for a religion where evangelism is actually fun, it would guarantee that God doesn’t end up with weak followers. Why? Because punching someone in the face for the Lord takes guts…you’re likely to get punched back and that’s a good thing – you know, edification.
Growing a Beard is the Only Way
This one would have suited Jesus well. And even though it would have excluded all but a few rather terrifying women, it still would have been a great litmus test. Some perks to this one are: manly activities in heaven (i.e. wrestling bears, drinking beer, and being lazy), low estrogen levels (and thus less drama), and steak. Plus, wussy guys don’t get in though there should probably be a free pass for Native Americans since everyone knows they’re crazy awesome even though they can’t grow a beard.
But no, God had to go and make Jesus the only way to get heaven. Why? Is it because he is just a big jerk? Maybe. Is it because Jesus had a better beard than anyone else? Probably not. But perhaps it is something different entirely.
Maybe, just maybe, Jesus is the only way not because God is trying to be a jerk, but because it is just a matter of fact. It might be helpful if we think about this in different terms since religion is so touchy. But let’s say there are a bunch of us who believe that by heading north from Colorado we will eventually get to Phoenix and Jesus comes around and says, “Um, no, the only way to get to Phoenix is to go South.” Would we still think it harsh of God to say that? Would we think he’s being a jerk for not letting us get to Phoenix by going North?
Maybe it is not God being harsh and setting most of the world up for wrath that Jesus said he is the only way. Maybe that’s just the way it is. And if that’s the case, far from God being a jerk, it is an act of extreme love and mercy.
Still, though, the punching thing should be incorporated.
What do you think? Is it cruel of God to make Jesus the only way? What other ways would have been awesomer?
