What the God

Written by Jesse Medina

I don't know why, but it has become a trend to hate sermons.  Actually I do know why.  It is because we're too cool for sermons.  We're too smart.  We don't like the fact that just one guy gets to get up on stage every Sunday and share his thoughts.

What makes him special?  The New Testament talks about the priesthood of all believers.  Who does this guy think he is?

Part of the problem is blogs, message boards, and instant feedback in general.  Why should Mr. Pastor Guy get up and give a monologue every week and expect the rest of us to listen.  We're postmodern, darn it.  We deserve a say, too.  We have something to add!  Communication these days is about dialogue (by the way, don't forget to comment!).

Everyone is an expert in God.  At least, we act like it.  I know I do (mostly because I am).

But I confess that we have the wrong view of what a sermon is supposed to be.  Sure, some pastors treat it like a platform for them to get up and talk about their thoughts and share stories about how awesome they are (I once heard a pastor "confess" to the congregation all the ways he was awesome at showing God's love to others).  But I don't think that's what it was supposed to be.

Sermons, by definition, are the proclamation of the Word of God.  A preacher who does his job well discerns the meaning of the text through careful study and helps the congregation to understand its meaning and application to their own lives.  In that sense, he is a servant to the congregation.

And the sermon isn't just about passing on information, but of the continual hearing of God speaking to his people.  Like most rituals (quick comment here: that it is a ritual does not render it lifeless) it continually reminds us of our need for, and love of, God.

So maybe we don't like sermons because...

• ...we don't like being proclaimed to.
• ...we are full of ourselves.
• ...we think we are more mature than we actually are.
• ...we don't like being reminded of our sinfulness.
• ...we think we know it all already.
• ...we would rather be entertained than preached to.
• ...we're not the ones preaching.

What do you think?  Do sermons matter or should churches find a different way to communicate?   Don't worry, this article isn't a sermon, you can interact!

Written by Jesse Medina

Check out this video of a couple of guys who claim to be "drunk" with God's glory. We thought this would be a fitting post considering our recent article titled, "Can You Get Drunk/High Off Jesus?"

What do you think? Is it real? Is this Biblical? Were the apostles in the early church stumbling around in a Spirit-drunken stupor? What would be the value of such a thing?

Written by Jesse Medina

We Christians are unique people. We have our language, our own clothing, our own books, our own rituals, and even our own celebrities. We’re quirky. Some might say a little weird. But within our ranks, there is one group that comes across to me as even more quirky than the rest: former drug user/alcoholic Christians.

You know who I’m talking about. These are the folks who lived life in the fast lane for a part of their lives. They experienced all the thrills of snorting that line or drinking their body weight in liquor…every night…they know how to have a good time. But, somewhere along the way, they happened to stumble drunk into a church one Wednesday evening during prayer meeting and found the Lord. (In high school, a drunken lady actually came to the church on a Sunday evening and kept blurting stuff out during the pastor’s sermon. Complete awkwardness…especially when he scolded her from the pulpit)

I’ve known a few of these people and had the opportunity to hear how they try to evangelize their old friends.

“Don’t get high/drunk off that stuff, brother, come with me to church and get high/drunk off Jesus. You’ll never be higher/drunker.”

This make sense. Call it speaking their language. Meeting them where they are at. Becoming all things to all men. Want high/drunk people to get saved? Appeal to those desires…and tell them about Jesus’ intoxicating powers. Share with them that story of when he turned hundreds of gallons of water into wine. Talk about his ascension.

That’ll get ‘em.

I’ve always imagined those situations looking a little different:

“Don’t get high/drunk off that stuff, brother, come with me to church and get high/drunk off Jesus. Actually, I’ve got some Jesus right here in my pocket. Let’s go out back and smoke him.”

Getting high off Jesus would be a lot easier if you could bring him to the party, whip him out half-way in, and light him up in the basement.

But there is a danger to this whole notion of getting high/drunk off God. To demonstrate why I feel it is dangerous, I present to you how ridiculous it would sound to use the same method of evangelism for other sinning types:

• For pornstars: Come to church and have Jesus orgasms!
• For strippers: Come to church and get naked before God!
• For prostitutes: Come to church and let Jesus pay the price for you!
• For murderers: Come to church and kill the Lord!
• For greedy people: Come to church and let God bless you with stuff!
• For thieves: Come to church and steal some Jesus!
• For bestiality: Come to church and meet the Lamb of God!
• For cannibals: Come to church and eat Jesus’ body!
• For lusters: Come to church and gaze upon the Lord!

What do you think? Have you ever been high/drunk on God? Can you think of other examples of bad evangelism?

Written by Jesse Medina

I’ve heard it said that back in the day when God first started revealing himself to people – you know, Noah, Abraham, Moses – that people thought it was non-sense that anyone would believe in one god. Supposedly, most folks practiced polytheism and had a god for everything (this is not the same as how many Christians think there’s a spirit/demon for everything).

The Jewish people were unique in that sense. And then Jesus came along and exploded everyone’s heads – and by “heads” I mean “conceptions of God.” He started walking around equating himself with God. Of course, to the Jews, this was highly offensive, they knew there was only one God…and Jesus wasn’t very god-like. I mean, he wasn’t semi-transparent. He didn’t have eagle wings. He didn’t sometimes act like the smoke monster. Oh, and he had a body, a human one.

Apparently the Jews think that automatically excludes someone from being God…haters.

And then there’s the Holy Spirit who at one point did have wings (albeit of a dove).

So you have the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit – and the early church says they compose one God. One in three, three in one. Mysterious. Beautiful. Incomprehensible.

But Christians don’t like that crap, so we began to think up how it could possibly be. The following are the results of the best amatuer scholarship on this topic.

An Egg

Think about it. You have a shell, a yolk, and some white stuff. Maybe God’s like that. Obviously, God is the shell because he’s white. The Holy Spirit could be the white stuff because he’s (she’s?) semi-transparent. Okay, the Holy Spirit is not semi-transparent, but just flow with me, here. And Jesus could be the yolk because…I don’t know…its yellow? Jesus could have been yellow, you don’t know.

Water

Liquid, gas, solid – boom – three in one, one in three. They are all water and, yet, they’re all different.

Us

Body, soul, spirit – that’s what humans are. I’m not entirely sure how our soul is different from our spirit, but I know that a lot of Christians think so. Problem with this theory: it doesn’t really translate since these three supposed parts of a human can’t operate separate from each other.

Speaking

I got this one from an old college professor (old in that he is no longer my college professor, not that he was old). It goes like this: God is the man who speaks, the word he speaks is Jesus and the breath with which he speaks is the Holy Spirit. At the time this one definitely beat the others.

But I’ll be honest, I’m over all this trying to understand the trinity business. Why does it even matter? And if we believe God is actually God, we can affirm, without much difficulty, that we can’t really understand everything about Him. So maybe we should just confess that we really don’t understand, but that we believe it nonetheless.

No?

What do you think? Have you heard other ways of understanding the Trinity? Which do you think is the best? Should we even be concerned with this? Why or why not?

Written by Jesse Medina

They say that Jesus was fully God and fully man…like some sort of superhero or something. And its not that he switched modes or anything like Bruce Wayne/Batman. It is not even that he was half God and half man like a spiritual Tumnus (but with a cooler beard). Nope, he was fully God and fully man.

They also say that God can’t sin. I like to picture it like Jim Carrey’s Liar, Liar – you know, where if God tried to sin his face would get all crazy and he’d beat the crap out of himself in heaven’s bathroom. It makes sense, I guess…if God could sin, he probably wouldn’t be God-like. He’d just be some dude who can get away with whatever he wanted. Kind of like Tiger Woods except less black and he wouldn’t get caught.

So it begs the question…could Jesus have sinned? I mean, aside from the fact that it would change some things for the crucifixion with him not being spotless anymore, if he had wanted to, could he have sinned? Or would he turn into a bearded Jim Carrey in a tunic and say things like,

“No, Peter, I do not think your butt looks good in that robe.”

“I know you want to believe he is in heaven, but he’s actually burning up right now in hell.”

“Eh…I’ve had better…wine.”

There are some who think that because Jesus was 100% God he couldn’t have sinned. After all, God can’t sin. Sin is disobeying God and he can’t disobey himself, right? Plus, if we believe that God is actually good, we have to believe that he couldn’t do any bad, under any circumstances.

Then again, if he couldn’t have sinned, how could he be tempted? If he couldn’t have sinned, couldn’t he just say to Satan when he was tempting Jesus in the desert, “Dude, it doesn’t even matter, I couldn’t turn that rock into bread even if I wanted!”

But if he could…does that make him not 100% God anymore? Or would that have nullified the point of the cross?

I propose that Jesus had to have been able to sin for three reasons:

1. He thought he could. That’s why he was tempted. I mean, you cannot be tempted by something you know you couldn’t have even if you wanted.
2. He wouldn’t be fully man – by that I don’t mean he’d be like Clay Aiken. As men, we sin – or at least we have the ability to. The ladies are probably very surprised by that revelation, but its true. Without the ability to sin (i.e. free will), he would have ceased to be human.
3. It would be cheating. Like unlimited lives in video games or a deck of cards up his sleeve. You can’t convince everyone that you’re a man only to pull one over on them by really not being very man-like at all. Nobody likes a cheater.

What do you think…could Jesus have sinned if he wanted to?

Written by Jesse Medina

I've been thinking lately. I know, surprising, but it happens. Usually after eating tacos. And I've come up with a joke. Ready? Here goes:

If Jesus came around today, he would be crucified. Ba-dum-cha! Funny right?

Exclusive claims are always that way: we do not like to be told that we are wrong and when we do get told that, we react…often violently.

Jesus did that. He pissed a lot of people off. Particularly religious people. It’s not that he was trying to make people mad just for the sake of making them mad, but when the truth stands in opposition to what we’re doing, it is sort of inevitable.

But my question is: why is Jesus the only way?

It kind of seems like God is just being a bully, you know? Like he actually could have made it so that he wasn’t the only way and just chose not to, just so that he could make people angry and then send them to hell for not going through him. It’s like one big cosmic dick move.

Couldn’t God have done it differently if he had wanted to? Wouldn’t it have been awesomer (it’s a word, trust me…don’t try to look it up, it’s too awesome to be in the dictionary) if God had made the only way something cool and/or fun? Like the following options:

Partying is the Only Way

That’s a religion that would be hard to ignore. Get a good buzz going, go streaking, and eat an alarm clock and surely you will be with me throughout all eternity. Not only would pretty much everyone get in on that, it would still piss off the religious people. Two birds, one stone.

Punching Someone Out is the Only Way

If someone starts a religion wherein you get to heaven by punching someone out and that it gets better the more people you punch out, I’m in. Not only would this create for a religion where evangelism is actually fun, it would guarantee that God doesn’t end up with weak followers. Why? Because punching someone in the face for the Lord takes guts…you’re likely to get punched back and that’s a good thing – you know, edification.

Growing a Beard is the Only Way

This one would have suited Jesus well. And even though it would have excluded all but a few rather terrifying women, it still would have been a great litmus test. Some perks to this one are: manly activities in heaven (i.e. wrestling bears, drinking beer, and being lazy), low estrogen levels (and thus less drama), and steak. Plus, wussy guys don’t get in though there should probably be a free pass for Native Americans since everyone knows they’re crazy awesome even though they can’t grow a beard.

But no, God had to go and make Jesus the only way to get heaven. Why? Is it because he is just a big jerk? Maybe. Is it because Jesus had a better beard than anyone else? Probably not. But perhaps it is something different entirely.

Maybe, just maybe, Jesus is the only way not because God is trying to be a jerk, but because it is just a matter of fact. It might be helpful if we think about this in different terms since religion is so touchy. But let’s say there are a bunch of us who believe that by heading north from Colorado we will eventually get to Phoenix and Jesus comes around and says, “Um, no, the only way to get to Phoenix is to go South.” Would we still think it harsh of God to say that? Would we think he’s being a jerk for not letting us get to Phoenix by going North?

Maybe it is not God being harsh and setting most of the world up for wrath that Jesus said he is the only way. Maybe that’s just the way it is. And if that’s the case, far from God being a jerk, it is an act of extreme love and mercy.

Still, though, the punching thing should be incorporated.

What do you think? Is it cruel of God to make Jesus the only way? What other ways would have been awesomer?

Written by AJ Teaters

I recently read the following:

“MERRITT ISLAND, Fla. — As Shellie Ross waited in a hospital for word on her son, Bryson, she posted this note to the social networking site Twitter.com: ‘Please pray like never before, my 2 yr old fell in the pool.’ “(USA Today, 12/20/09)

By the end of the article, I had one big question on my mind,

Does God answer a prayer if more people are praying for the same thing?

Of course, there is a big brouhaha about this woman tweeting while her son is possibly dying in the ICU of a local hospital and, more controversially, how this same woman tweeted just one minute before the 911 call about finding her son at the bottom of the pool. People are screaming for justice and parental negligence because of the actions of this mother.

However, I want to look under the surface of the story and look at what I quoted in the start of this blog. The mom tweeted a prayer request, I don’t know how many followers she has (it doesn’t matter), but she asked a mass collective group of people to pray for the same thing as she was praying for.

And it makes me wonder why.

This scenario paints a vivid picture in my head of all the times my sister and I would bug/annoy my parents in hopes of getting what we wanted. My mom would say, “No,” so what was the obvious course of action? Ask Dad! Then, if both parents agreed in the denial then we busted out the big guns.

“Can we have it now… how ‘bout now… now… now… now… mmmmm… now?”

“I promise this will be the only time I ask, ever! I’ll never ask for this ever again in my entire life!”

“If my friend Blake gets to, why can’t I?”

Mass prayer requests sound like a child whining to a parent who won’t give them their way. Is it that we believe God will prioritize our prayers based on how many times we pray the same prayer or because of how many people pray for the same thing to happen?

Do we think God is a democracy?

Random Christian: “Dear God, please help me. Send your Holy Spirit down and heal me from this cancer that is overtaking my body. In Jesus’ name, heal me.”

God: “Um…yeah…about that cancer, there’s this family in Ohio that has their entire congregation praying for their newborn son to breathe on his own without a respirator… so… sorry, he gets the miracle this time. Hit me up next time, though, and see if you can get more people praying. My motto is, ‘the more the better.’”

Doesn’t this make God sound like a gumball machine? Pay enough money and you’ll get one miracle at a time (hopefully it’s the blue one, they’re the best). Is our faith so little to think that God can’t grant more than one miracle at time; wouldn’t that make him not all-powerful? Why do we think that God is more likely to answer prayer when more people are praying? Is it because our collective prayer voice is louder to God – does he sit up in heaven weighing prayer requests with a pray-o-meter and raise one hand when the prayers get loud enough? Is it because it’s more annoying to God, so He will answer our request quicker?

I’m not saying we shouldn’t pray for one another, but what if there is another point behind it?

It is a subtle difference, but perhaps our focus when praying for others is not just to get God to answer prayers, but to hold one another up before God. In other words, the point is not just to create a louder voice, but to join with one another in love and compassion.

Perhaps we need to go from praying:

“Dear God, please give Dave what he is praying for.”

To:

“Dear God, please give Dave the discernment and wisdom to get through this tough time in his life. Be with him and calm his thoughts and heart. Use me to help.”

God hears Dave. More importantly, God knows what Dave needs better than anyone else, including Dave. And it may just be that what Dave really needs isn’t to get whatever he is praying for. It may just be that Dave needs wisdom, or character, or something else. So instead of trying to democracize God, let’s change the way we pray.

How does God decide what prayers to answer? Does it have to do with numbers or need? Do numbers help?

Written by AJ Teaters

I have recently been reflecting on all the accomplishments in my life (just to note, I am only 25) but nevertheless I like to reflect. I came across and interesting fact while thinking about this, I have never been fired from a job. While thinking about this fact I recalled all the previous jobs I have had up to this point in my life (this is chronological): Chirstmas Tree Lot 'Gopher', Papa John's, Bennigan's Host, Hot Topic, Stock Boy, University Copy/Mail Boy, Starbucks, Delivery Boy (not the kind you think), Starbucks (again), Teacher's assistant, Warehouse Distribution, 1st grade teacher and finally 6th grade teacher.

That's more than a job a year from the time I turned 15! I would like to submit that 14 jobs in 10 years is a lot of work. Having worked at so many jobs I have come into contact with a fair amount of people, customers and co-workers alike. I have had every range of emotion known to man, depending on the circumstance I could have been frustrated, happy, depressed or hungry. Most of the jobs I have had have been remedial, and at times (most times) I thought that Hell couldn't be much worse.

Some of the the worst memories from working at these jobs are as follows:


Having customers call in to order a pizza and tell me that they live on Williams Field Rd. Well that's just crazy, no one actually lives on a road. So I went on to ask them which side of the road they live on (North or South). You would have thought this cleared things up... sadly, no. They insisted that they lived on Williams Field Rd. To say the least, the conversation ended with me asking them if they lived on Williams Field Rd did they have cars driving through their living room, and hanging up on them.

Making coffee type beverages for 8 straight hours and the entire time being short-handed and only being able to work as fast as the automatic espresso machine...which wasn't fast enough. Having 20 pairs of eyes watching your every move, making sure that their coffee is made their outrageously specific instructions. "A quad, half-caf, 2 pump vanilla, 3 pump sugar-free hazelnut, non-fat, with whip, 180 degree latte."  No joke, I've had someone order that and watch me like over the bar to make sure it was made correctly. I couldn't help but want to scream at these people, "IT'S JUST COFFEE!" After Papa John's I didn't think I could have found anything worse than going home with every imaginable pizza topping crushed under my fingernails, but Starbucks beat them out. Nothing is worse than going home sticky from being covered in every imaginable syrup flavor, and smelling like hot rancid milk.

Nothing beats having a job where all you do is pick up boxes from a conveyor belt, put them on pallets and wrap them in plastic for 10-12 hours. All the while having half your co-workers talk about you behind your back in another language and seeing people who do less than you, on a daily basis, get promoted around you.

In each one of these jobs I felt like Peter Gibbons from Office Space. The only real motivation to do my job was because I didn't want to be hassled or get fired, other than that I just didn't care.

The one thought that got me through each and every one of those hellish jobs was the knowledge that I wasn't going to be stuck in this "place" for very long. I know "very long" is a relative and rather subjective statement, but in comparison to the rest of my life I didn't really spend a lot of time doing meaningless mind-numbing work.

Why did I just go into an in depth record of my work history, outlining specific instances that made it feel like Hell on Earth, because nothing of this world is eternal, nothing here lasts forever.Things may be inevitable (taxes, death, premature ejaculation) but nothing lasts forever.

So if the closest thing in my life to Hell was working at forsaken asinine jobs then that is the closest thing that I have to relate to Hell. The problem with Hell is that no one knows what it is like to be there. You can't just randomly walk up to someone and ask them, "So Jim, you've been to Hell right? What's it like?"

Over my short tenure of being a Christian I have heard a handful of explanations and interpretations of Hell. They range anywhere from lakes of fire, never ending torture and pain, to a black void of nothingness (no feeling, no emotion).

Does it really matter what Hell is like? 

Would it make a difference if it were flames and sulfur or nothingness? The one common fact about Hell is that it is eternal; it is forever, and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever times infinity plus one. I think that's what we need to concern ourselves with when thinking about Hell; Hell is never ending.  But why? Why is Hell eternal?

What we have to look at is our human nature.

• Ever since Eve brought us down (yeah, I said it! It was Eve's fault) we have been ruled by sin.
• Sin is the only way to separate ourselves from The Big Guy Upstairs.
• Jesus came to take on the sins of the world. He gave His life in place of our sin.
• We need to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior to not be damned to Hell.
• We continue to sin but seek repentance from God when we royally screw up.
• Those chose to reject faith/belief in God are not let into Heaven; thus are eternally placed in Hell

The way I see it is that if Hell wasn't eternal we (Christians, more importantly humans) would find a way to excuse our sin. If we knew that eventually Hell would end we would start to marginalize sin. We would downplay the consequences of being sinful.

The thought process if Hell WASN'T eternal:

1. Should I commit this sin?
2. Is it worth going to Hell for a period of time?
3. Sure... I could spend some time in Hell if I get to commit this sin.

The thought process knowing the Hell IS eternal:

1. Should I commit this sin?
2. Is it worth going to Hell forever?
3. NO!

Hell is eternal for a reason, because if Hell was just a jail sentence (hmmm... say 30-60 years, 20 years with good behavior) then we would be prone to weigh the consequences of being sinful. Sin is separation from God and Hell is the consequence of never repenting for your sinful life. Hell is eternal separation from God.

Do you think Hell won't be eternal? Is God unjust for making Hell eternal?

Written by KC Procter

There are a lot of sick people. I don't know the number off hand, but if you count how many died since you started reading this blog post it's about 13 already which equates to about 55 million a year. And that is just dying, not even catching a cold or being diagnosed with cancer.

Fortunately for some God intervenes miraculously and PRESTO! no more sickness. Now it could be argued that God accomplishes this through gifted doctors, modern medicine and simple "prompting" folks to live and eat healthier. But I digress.

The question isn't "how does God heal some people?", but rather "why does God heal some people?". Which of course begs another question, why doesn't God heal some people?

First, I'd like to explore why Jesus healed people - ya know, back in the day:

Good for the Ratings

Nothing boosts a leader's public image like a solid "rise and walk" routine. Jesus probably was eye-balling the crowd for a sickly soul while telling a parable for just this reason. "Bless those who curse you..." (oh! right there in the 50th row, 3 stones from the left - that little girl on crutches. Jackpot!)

Trying to Appease Unruly Mobs

It's a well known fact a number of the disciples worked as Christ's bodyguards. Don't believe me? Google it. I mean seriously, you think a couple of fisherman aren't gonna know how to throw down? Anyway, even a handful of brutish sailors can't fend off an audience of 5,000. I can see Jesus strategically assessing the situation and just sprinting through a tense crowd in a bee-line, hands out to his sides and touching as many people as possible, sick or not. The ones who weren't sick probably got an energy boost similar to 3 cases of Red Bull. Jesus gives you wings!

Leprosy is Nasty

You can't tell me that if you had the power to heal and someone w/ a decrepit skin/bone disorder crossed your path that you wouldn't heal them just so you didn't get grossed out.

Blind People Bumping into Him

Apparently the "bible times" were riddled w/ blind people everywhere. Jesus did a lot of walking around so it stands to reason that, on more than one occasion, a visually impaired citizen would quite literally run into Christ. Being the Son of God and all gracious and merciful, He was probably really cool with it the first 10 times. But that 11th time...

(Paraphrased from Matthew 8) 

JC: "And so blessed are those who.."  

[Bump]

JC: "Ouch! Dang it!" (Jesus didn't swear because when He said "damn it" things died) 

Blindy: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Sir. I didn't see you there." 

JC: "That's enough of this tripping crap!"  

[Spit]

JC: "See anything now?!" 

Blindy: "Sorta, but it's all fuzzy."  

[Prayer]

JC: "How about now?" 

Blindy: "Holy Moses! This is incredible. I can SEE!" 

JC: "Why does he get credit? Whatever, now get out of here and stop tripping people. And don't tell anyone I spit on you."

Now, why does God heal some people and not others?  Here are a couple of possibilities:


1. He doesn't have time. If God exists outside of time (referencing the whole "a day is as a thousand years and a thousand years are as a day" bit from The Book) then it could be argued He doesn't have any. Mull over that one with your noodle for a bit.

2. It's completely arbitrary. Since God is so smart He knew there'd be billions (or is it trillions now?) of sick people over the eons needing to be healed of this or that so He created a very complex random computer generated selection process. It's much more efficient and frees Him up to play golf with Gabriel and target practice for the End Times.

3. Without pain there is no gain. Think about it. If we were all running around with no cancer, STD's, mental illness, learning disabilities, etc because whenever they popped up God just blinked them away (like that chick on I Dream of Genie - whatshername) we'd hardly ever have a reason to rely on Him (besides the food, shelter and shiny toys). Experiencing pain builds character.

Mark Batterson in his book "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" talks about how when a bone is broken (major pain) and then heals over time (more pain) it is stronger than before (major gain). Maybe God is trying to teach us or those around us something through experiencing the pain of whatever illness plagues us (hopefully not THE plague though because that one was a doozie). After we've come through a painful situation we are better equipped to minister to others in similar circumstances.

4. We live in a broken world. Pain and sickness are part of the human condition until we get to Heaven. No beating around bush on that one (especially that burning one Moses saw).

I've been through a fair amount of pain and more than once God has saved my bacon. When people look at me with pain in their eyes and ask "Why can a God of love allow this to happen?" there really isn't a way for me to answer that without coming off preachy or an emotionally disconnected jerk.

Honest answer? I have no idea. But I know He loves you.

Is God still "good" if he doesn't heal some but chooses to heal others? What is God's criteria for healing someone? How do you deal with accepting God's choice not to heal you?
K.C. (@ThatGuyKC on Twitter) is a native Seattle-ite working on an MBA while plodding through a job as a cubicle dweller and trying to figure out what to do with his life. He’s married to an awesome wife, has a rambunctious 8 year old son, and a feisty little redhead daughter of 2 ½.

Written by AJ Teaters

What's the deal with Babel? You know you're thinking it, I just have the balls to ask it. Yeah, that was a little over the top but it's true, what's the deal with Babel?

Babel... what came out of Babel? Language. Without Babel the world wouldn't have different languages which means that every other country of the world wouldn't be trying to learn English while America continues to be lazy and apathetic toward learning another country's language. Oops, did I just say American's were lazy and insensitive. And did I insinuate that if there was only one language on Earth it would be English?! Does that qualify me to be a bigot, or just insensitive?

The story of Babel is ONLY 9 BIBLE VERSES! God chose to explain how language was spread throughout the world in only 9 Bible verses? I want to assume that something got left out. I want to assume that there is more of a story there than what is being told. Why do I want to assume that there is more to the story of Babel than what is being told, because it reads like a Cliff Notes; all the facts no story.

They have an idea, they start to build, they were scattered. I have a theory that this wasn't as group thought as the Bible may have us think. Like I said the story isn't being told just the facts.

The story has to start with a single man (notice I said, "man" and not, "person") and this single man got all the other men riled up and excited about his new and awesome idea to build a tower to heaven. “LET'S BUILD A TOWER TO HEAVEN,” What?! Who says that? I'll claim it, a man! Only a man with bigger balls than brains would ever suggest something so ridiculous. This coming from the same gender that I can only imagined gave us milk by saying, “I am going to drink whatever is in that cow!” Luckily they found the utters first.

The Real Story:
Babel is having a town meeting about what is going to help bring more tourism to their city. They begin to throw out ideas about amusement parks, memorials and audience voting capital punishment game shows, until the dumbest of the men decided to shout out the most unintelligent idea ever, “TOWER TO HEAVEN!” Since in those days there were no women allowed at these meetings no one had the foresight... no that's too nice... let's try that again. Since in those days there were no women allowed at these meetings no one had the common sense to say (don't forget to make this sound shrill and condescending), “Really?! You are planning on building a tower to heaven, there is nothing better you can do with your time than BUILD A TOWER TO HEAVEN?”

Come on guys, any and all of you who are in a relationship (married, engaged or other) can hear your significant other saying that to you. It's really doesn't take a large stretch of the imagination to think a woman would try and talk men out of building something completely ridiculous and useless.

Now before I get a bunch of feminists jumping all over me (trust me sounds more fun that it is) the reason behind this idea is because men are stupid. Ask any woman what happens when men get bored and they will tell you one of two things, “They (men) are going to find a way to get into trouble,” or, “They (men) come up with crazy ideas that need to be brought into fruition.”

Notice the parallel:

• “They” equals men because how could anyone besides men come up with this idea?

• They said to each other, "Come, let's make bricks and bake them thoroughly." They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. 4 Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth." 5 But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. 6 The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. 7 Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other." (Gen. 11:3-7)

• “They” cannot include women because if women were present during the discussion of building a tower to heaven it would have never happened and we would all still be speaking the same language.
  

• I would even venture to say that “They” is synonymous with “Men” in this passage because of Gen. 11:7 “'Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.'” If we (men) are truthful we can honestly say that we don't understand anything anyone tells us. Men have their own language (mostly grunts and scratching), while women can communicate with each other over long distances without even saying a word.

So I'll leave you with: who was the one God punished because of the Tower: men, women or both? What's the deal with Babel, one word; MEN.

Why did God choose to use this circumstance to explain language? Was Babel more important than it seems in the Bible? Who's idea do you think the tower really was?

When reading the Bible, there seems to be a stark contrast between the God of the New Testament who is largely characterized by words like love, grace, forgiveness, goodness and the God of the Old Testament who is best described as pissed off.

Here are a couple of examples of God’s pissed off-ness in the Old Testament:

1. Remember that touching story when God told Noah to build a big boat and everyone thought that Noah was crazy? And remember how all the animals came two-by-two like they were in love, and then God flooded the earth and killed everyone except Noah and his family?!?!?!? That is in Genesis 6 and 7.

2. Deuteronomy 20 contains instructions from God to the Israelites when going to war. They are instructed to make foreign peoples an offer of peace…how nice of them, right? Except that “peace,” according to God, means forced labor. And if they don’t accept the offer of peace they should “put the sword to all men in [the city].” And as for the women, children and livestock…well these are “plunder” for the Israelites. That is, unless it is a city being given them as an inheritance by God. And if that is the case, well, I’ll let the text speak for itself, “do not leave alive anything that breathes. Completely destroy them.” Gives me the warm fuzzies.

3. Sodom and Gomorrah. ‘Nuff said. (Genesis 19)

4. Joshua 11 tells the story of how awesome Joshua and his army were. He and his band of soldiers took on the armies of several nations and completely destroyed them. Kind of like 300 except with less nakedness (that we know of – it could be that there was much more nakedness…in which case they need to make a movie) and the fact that Joshua ended up winning unlike Leonidas and his wussy band of soldiers. And this was all because, “…it was the LORD himself who hardened their hearts to wage war against Israel, so that he might destroy them totally, exterminating them without mercy” (Joshua 11:20).

5. Here are some commandments taken from Exodus 21

• When buying servants (not as bad as slaves), set them free after they have worked for you for six years. Because anything over that is just rude?
• But the servant can stay if he wants…only after his master pierces his ear with an “awl” which sounds like it is something between a crossbow and a pick axe.
• If you sell your daughter into servanthood – yes, if – then she can’t go free in the 7^th year like the aforementioned servants. It’s business, people.
• If someone intentionally kills someone else, kill them. Yeah, yeah…old news.
• If you attack your parents, you are to be killed.
• If you kidnap someone and either sell them or get caught still possessing the person, you should be put to death. I guess that’s fair.
• If you curse your parents you should be killed. As a child I think that’s crap, but I think I’ll change my mind once I have kids.
• If a man beats his slave and the slave dies he should be punished. But as long as the slave can get up after a day or two, that’s all good.
• Eye for an eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise. Parents really need to start employing more Biblical practices here.
• If you have an unruly bull and you neglect to keep it from goring people, you should be put to death…unless you pay a lot of money. This does not apply if the person gored is a slave. In that case, only the bull dies…everyone knows that.
  

6. Last but not least, the 9 Most Badass Bible verses – the best of which is the story in 2 Kings 2 where Elisha sicks bears on about 40 kids for calling him bald and they get mauled to death. Hilarious. (By the way, if you have an aversion to cussing, I'd suggest not clicking on that link)

So…do you agree that God is pretty pissed off in the Old Testament? These are just a few examples, but the Old Testament is chock full of them!

This of course presents a problem for us, particularly when we consider that according to Malachi 3:6, God does not change. What happened between the Old Testament when God had some sort of fascination will killing and/or exaggerated punishment and the New Testament when he’s all about the love and Jesus dances in meadows with a sheep on his back and his perfectly curled hair blowing in the wind?

In short…nothing.

There is a lot of violence in the Old Testament, but it is not without a great deal of love as well. In fact, it should be noted that God could have easily obliterated humans from the planet back when he flooded it in Noah’s time. He was under no obligation to be merciful to Noah and his family. I suppose that would be a question of whether it better to have died than never to have existed at all.

But, still, why was God so pissed in the Old Testament?

There are at least two possible reasons:

The first is that men (that is humans) were wicked, plain and simple. This may not seem like such a big deal to us, but it is to God. And we should note here that we are in no position to determine what is actually wicked and what is just considered wicked because of our position in history and the philosophy that informs us – this has changed since the beginning of time…what makes us think we are correct now when every generation before us thought the same and we call their actions wrong?

But God is not limited to either history or philosophy. Even more, he understands the full extent of our wickedness and the consequences thereof. Though it may seem odd to us, it may be that these violent acts are actually acts of mercy, preventing something that would have been worse.

And the second possible reason is that God had a plan. That plan was Jesus Christ. That plan was grace. But that plan would not have been accomplished without (1) the law and (2) a people from which Jesus could be born, complete with their history. Jesus only meant grace, forgiveness, and atonement because the Israelites went through all that they did. What was the atonement without the sacrificial laws? What was salvation through grace alone without salvation through works? What was a deliverer without something to be delivered from? Far from being cruel, this is God’s goodness coming out. Because of his choosing of the Israelites and the Old Testament violence, the whole world can now get in on redemption.

What does this mean?

It means that God is not done being pissed. Nothing changed. God still hates wickedness and unfortunately, we allow it to run rampant. But judgment day is still coming and God’s wrath will be unleashed on the unrepentant. This is not cruel, this is just. Wickedness should be punished, we all know that. What we don’t know, what we are ignorant of, is what is really wicked and what the appropriate punishment for wickedness should be. But God knows that.

But, he is also not done with love. And that is good news indeed.

What do you think? Are there other reasons God might seem different in the NT than in the OT? Do you struggle the with God of the OT?

Written by AJ Teaters

The general hierarchy of conversations, from best to worst:

1. Best: Two people having a good back and forth (give and take) communication, feeling comfortable.
2. Good: Two people communicating with some breaks in the conversation because of lack of common interest.
3. Average: Two people talking about a single topic while each person just adds a few words to the conversation.
4. Poor: Two people talking about topics that only interest them staring each other down waiting for the next opportunity to take over the conversation (pirate talkers: looking for the first opportunity to overtake the conversation with their ideas or opinions).
5. What we do to God: One person talking about their problems, needs and opinions; basically word vomiting all over the helpless other person in the one-sided conversation. Not letting the other person give any insight, direction or verbal confirmation of what is being talked about. (one-sided conversation)

Have you ever been on the wrong side of a one-sided conversation? Is there ever a right side of a one-sided conversation? I can honestly say that I have been on the wrong side of many one-sided conversations, and not one of them have I walked away from happy.

The general structure of a one-sided conversation tends to make one person (the one doing the talking) look like a total egocentric jerk; neck vein bulging, drool seeping out of the side of their mouth and eyes popping out of their heads, while the other (the one trying to get a word in) looks like a sick puppy that is being put to sleep; mouth half open, eyes glazed over, leg twitching with anticipation to get out of there as soon as there is a break in the conversation. Why do we do this to each other? Sure, most of us love to hear ourselves talk and could care less if you (the listener) are actually listening. Most people aren’t really listening anyway, right? Most people are just waiting for their turn to talk.

Is that what we are doing to God? Do we not hear from Him because we are too busy listening to ourselves talk?

Is this why God makes it so difficult to understand Him when we ask Him questions? Are we just not asking the right questions? Maybe we aren’t asking them in the right way; should we say, “Pretty please with sugar on top,”? It might have something to do with how faithful we are, or how many sacrifices we have made for Him. Maybe God is just jerking us around, sitting up in Heaven listening but not responding, just watching us getting more and more frustrated with the fact that we never hear anything from Him. Poking His angels in the ribs and pointing at us laughing at our irritation. We all know how annoying it is to have a conversation with someone and have them not respond in the way we want or worse yet not respond at all.

Why do you have to make life so freakin’ difficult?! Just do me a favor and answer my questions and prayers… verbally! Maybe I’m asking the wrong person, Jesus I’ll give you a try. Jesus, talk to your Pops and tell Him that I need some answers, I need to make sure He is listening and the only way that I can be sure is if He talks back! Jesus don’t let me down now, okay? Jesus… did you hear me… GREAT, NOW YOU WON’T TALK TO ME EITHER?! What is up with this family?!

I think the problem is that God does speak to us (in a very straightforward way) and we just don’t listen. So, what are some ways that God could speak to us and have us listen?

· Giant Cosmic Billboard
· Commercials during our favorite prime time TV show (not during the Bachelor though, Jesse doesn’t want anything else on his mind when that show is on).
· Facebook Messages
· Twitter updates
· Emails
· Phone calls (but not at dinner time, then God just turns into a telemarketer)
· Sky writing
· Sponsoring a NASCAR driver
· Having other people speak into our lives (no, that would never catch on)
· Using situations to reveal the path we’re supposed to choose...psshh! Yeah right. That's funny, probably never happens! Ah...good times, good times.

I would love to see a giant cosmic billboard with an answer to my prayers, or to see that I have a message when I log onto facebook with an answer to my prayers. I think Sundays would be 10X cooler if you turned on the TV, flipped to the NASCAR race and saw that one of the cars had the answer to your prayers painted across the hood. Hearing the announcer say, “And the 7 car takes the lead... look at the paint job on that car! What does it say across the hood? ‘Yes Jay, I want you to move to Ecuador to start a church, Love God xoxo.’”

So, why not?

I think God can verbally answer everyone’s prayers but how would we build trust, obedience or faith? I think having God come down and meet me on earth (preferably in the form of Morgan Freeman, I could listen to his voice continuously and never get tired of it. I have to admit that the casting director from Bruce Almighty got it spot on when they cast Morgan Freeman as G-O-D) would be an awesome experience but how would I develop any discernment or discipline? Plus I’m pretty sure if God did show up as Morgan Freeman he would somehow convince me to use my Visa Card at the Olympics.

But being a Christian I have to understand that isn’t how God works. If God took the easy route and answered every prayer by personally speaking (verbally) to us we would have no faith in Him and no wisdom in life.

What do you think? Should God be in a verbal conversation with us? Is there a better way to answer prayers than “feeling” that God said something?

Written by Jesse Medina

I have a confession. It is not something I am particularly proud of, but it is true. Are you ready? Here it is:

I am scared that my kids (once I have them) will turn out to be ugly.

Being ugly can really screw a kid up. Even if they are smart, witty, and incredibly talented, ugliness can debilitate a kid like nothing else can. But a good-looking kid, on the other hand, seemingly has it all…whether they’ve got anything else going for them or not. That’s why a ditzy blonde with a pretty face and rockin’ body can become insanely rich and famous. Or why guys like us could start a site like this.

And the worst part is that we can’t really control our own ugliness. Our best hopes are exercise, makeup, and cosmetic surgery. But there are limits to each. Exercise only improves how we look below the neck and while that is better than nothing, having an ugly face isn’t desirable. Of course many women, along with Adam Lambert, turn to makeup to make their faces look better, but makeup has limits. Unfortunately, some women don’t know that and think that more makeup is automatically better – and cross the line back into ugliness. And then there is cosmetic surgery which is perhaps the most effective method for reversing ugliness, but not only does it require you to have a lot of money, there’s something wrong with not having wrinkles as an old person.

So most of us eventually just have to come to terms with a hard truth: we will always be ugly.

And then we come to a second conclusion: God is a big jerk for making us that way.

Why would he do that?

We’ve had our ugly scientists – they study ugly, not that they are ugly (except one who will remain nameless. I will give you his initials, though…AJ Teaters) – analyzing data and tracking trends to come up with possible reasons God would create ugly people:

1. He has a sick sense of humor.

The ugly scientists think this a viable option only because it seems God had a sick sense of humor in other places in the Bible. Like when Elisha sicked bears on some kids for calling him bald (II Kings 2:23-24) or when Samson used a donkey’s jawbone to Leonidas his way to killing a thousand men and then quipped about using an ass's jawbone to make asses out of them.

Sick…but hilarious. Maybe, they postulate, that’s how it is with ugliness. Sometimes God just needs a good laugh.

2. Without ugly, there is no beauty

This is the age-old “the shadow proves the sunshine” theory. In order for us to acknowledge something as being light, we must also be acquainted with darkness. So perhaps in order of us to know beauty, we must know ugly. In that sense, the ugly people of the world are doing humanity a favor by helping us to know beauty. After all, a world without beauty isn’t much of a world at all.

3. He didn’t

At first glance, this doesn’t even seem like a possibility. All some of us need to do is look in the mirror to know that God created ugly. But our scientists speculate that “ugly” is a social/human construction that God doesn’t acknowledge. It makes sense: many years ago those women who were considered beautiful we what we might call today “big-boned.” They had appetites and could swing an axe (I’m speculating on the axe part, but you get my point). These days, women aren’t considered beautiful unless they weigh under 110 lbs. have enormous breasts and, in many parts of the world, would be considered malnourished by the look of their physiques.

Beauty, it seems, is fickle. Not to mention fleeting. None of us, no matter how beautiful, look good for an extended period of time. We all get old and we all get wrinkles.

And that makes me wonder: what if what we look like doesn’t even matter? What if what matters is the kind of people we are? What if in the next life, it is those who were ugly in this life that are the ones who receive the highest honor and are perceived as the most beautiful? What if it is our scars, wrinkles, and deformities that are considered beautiful in the next life?

For many of us that sounds fantastic...whether we are beautiful right now or not.

So maybe we should live this life in light of that one and that includes how we look at ourselves, others, and even our kids.

Which theory do you think it is? Or do you think there is another reason why some are ugly?

There are many things you could do for God to get pissed off enough to want to kill you:

• Try to steady his arc (2 Samuel 6:6-7).  This would be difficult unless you know where the arc is and whether it is unsteady.
• Look back at Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:24-26).  Great solution if you need some extra salt.
• Ejaculate on the ground (Genesis 38:8-10).  Masturbators beware.
• Sleep with Moabite women and worship their gods (Numbers 25:1-4).  Just sleeping with the women, though, may not get you killed.  Key word: may.
• Call Elisha bald (2 Kings 2:23-24).  Phew.  I don’t know any Elishas.

That’s just what he’s killed people for before.  But we suspect he’d be willing to kill for any number of things.  Regardless, if you happen to learn that God is trying to kill you, we have a simple solution for you to avoid death. 

Here’s what you need:

1. A fearless wife with ninja skills
2. A flint knife
3. An uncircumcised son (Note: a daughter will not work in this situation – you’ll see why in a second)
4. Bare feet

Here's what you do:

When God tries to kill you, give your ninja wife the wink.  She will, in a terrifying move of awesomeness, cut the foreskin off your son's penis, and then touch the severed foreskin to your bare feet.

Now, so far as we know, this has only worked once.  But, those who have failed either due to poor foreskin-severing-training or the wearing of socks wouldn’t live to tell their failure story, but we know this worked for Moses. (Exodus 4:24-26)

A couple of warnings:

1. Advanced ninja training for your wife will likely prove helpful.
2. We do not suggest practice on real boys as you could make them a eunuch…which would suck for them.
3. So far as we know, substituting a daughter will not work.  Better to not try.
4. We suggest carrying a sharpened flint knife with you at all times.
5. Socks = death.

Now, if you take our advice, you will live.  We’re not entirely sure why, but freshly severed foreskin touched to bare feet is apparently like kryptonite to God.  We suspect this is due to the pure grossness of the act and the fact that he is likely intimidated by a woman who would do such a thing.

I mean, if I were God, that would freak me out.

Do you know a woman who is scary/awesome enough to attempt such a feat?  If you were God, what crazy acts would you consider in exchange for someone’s life to be saved?  Are you aware of any other life-saving techniques when God gets the urge to kill?


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